Frozen From the Inside Out
by Dewdropzz
Summary: A quick oneshot told from Elsa's POV, after she learns she has frozen Arendelle. This is based on a scene in the movie, after Anna talks to Elsa in her ice palace, and before Hans and his men come to take Elsa. (right before the troll scene, I think!) It's kind of depressing, but I can't help but imagine Elsa actually feeling like this, just based on that scene in the movie. :D


The sun is setting over the North Mountain, projecting shades of crimson and fuchsia onto the walls of my ice palace. Under normal circumstances, I would think that it looked beautiful. But at this moment in time, I think there's nothing beautiful about ice.

Only a few hours ago, this palace seemed like a dream to me... A crystalline fortress made of snow and ice. A place where I could be myself, and use my powers to the peak of their abilities... without hurting anyone. But I was wrong. I was so, so wrong...

When I came down the stairs this afternoon to find Anna had come all the way up here looking for me, I didn't know whether I wanted to laugh or cry. I wanted to laugh and tell her that I was free now. Tell her about all the fun I had last night, creating everything I could with my icy abilities. I thought I was free to make whatever I wanted, without having to worry about damaging anything, alive or otherwise...

I remember when I was little my parents would get so mad when I used my powers in the castle. Glistening pillows of the softest white snow soon turned into puddles of water all over the plush carpets or tile floors. More often than not, my parents would make me clean it up; or my sister and I would do it, if Anna played in it too.

I wanted to say to Anna today: "At least there will be no one handing me a mop and bucket when this place melts."

But if I said that, I know I would have started to cry, thinking about the childhood memories I shared with my sister in a simpler time. When I had control over the magic that flowed through my veins; when I had the power to decide whether I wanted to keep it in, or let it go... But now my magic has become too strong, and I know my creations won't melt with time.

Another memory comes flooding back to me, from a time when I was seven and Anna was four. We had snuck down to play in the middle of the night. We said we were just going to build a snowman and go back to bed. But the cold invigorated us. It kept us awake, and I guess we started to have too much fun... I was careless, and my powers got out of control...

I remember the icy tears running down my face as I held my sister's limp body in my lap. She had gone unconscious right away when I struck her with my icy magic. The strand of hair where the power had hit had turned white... Her hair is still like that to this day. ...I know Anna would have died if it hadn't been for that troll... Yes, she surely would have died. I almost murdered my own sister...

Anna... My little sister Anna... She came all the way up the North Mountain to ask me to stop this winter. She seemed so desperate, looking up at me with pleading eyes... She truly believed I was capable of unfreezing the kingdom I cursed. But the people of Arendelle... My people... They don't understand that I'm not a sorceress, or an enchantress, or the frigid witch they believe me to be. I'm just a girl who loves the snow — A scared little girl who needs help, but has nowhere to turn.

I didn't even want to be queen — I don't know anything about running a kingdom. I never would have thought on the day I was coronated, I would bring my kingdom to its demise. I'm such a foolish girl... So pitiful... So afraid...

I wonder how many people will be hurt because of me? How many people have I hurt so far? How many elderly adults will die of pneumonia because they weren't prepared for a winter in July? How many people will slip on the ice and break their bones? How many children have already died of hypothermia?

I'm pacing back and forth, trying to think of ways to end this nightmare. With every minute that passes, I wonder if another innocent person has frozen to death. The more I think about it, the more it seems to snow outside; the thicker the walls of my palace seem to become, until I feel as though I'm trapped in a frostbitten prison of my own creation.

I've never felt so cold before. All my life I've barely felt the cold. When Anna and I would go out to play in the snow, Anna would wear a heavy winter coat, scarf and gloves, when all I would need was a sweater.

But right now I feel as if I'm frozen from the inside out. With every hurried breath I take, I feel the piercing air in my lunges. I feel it going down my throat, and it feels as if I'm being cut by knives, or glass, or shards of broken ice... It's never hurt so much to breathe before. It's never hurt so much to live.

I have to keep moving, because if I sit my whole attention will be focused on the damage I've done. Maybe if I keep moving my mind will be focused on other things. Maybe I'll have to think about where I'm going, or focus keeping my balance on the skating rink-like surface of the floor. Maybe this will numb the pain, but the same questions keep spinning through my head: Why has God left me alive when I've done so much harm to Arendelle? Why am I still safe on the North Mountain, when the people down below me are living in frozen torment?

If I thought striking myself down with my powers would reverse the winter I've caused, I would do it. But I don't know what can stop this curse. If I end my life now, Arendelle could be trapped in its wintry state forever.

I tell myself to keep it together, and don't feel. Don't feel. As the icicles creep up around me, and the snow continues to fall, I'm starting to think I will never control this curse, and Arendelle will be spending an eternity encased in ice...

If that does happen, I suppose I will remain here in my palace until the day I die... I don't doubt it will come soon, as I feel I am already frozen — Frozen from the inside out.


End file.
